Unhurtable

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“We’d get in a place where we were so capable of connecting to Source Energy that it wouldn’t matter what anybody else was doing.”

The Art of Allowing – Abraham-Hicks

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“Refreshingly diverse”

Cha-Ka-Too (Sunset Mix) – Hibiki Connection

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The Undulating Pond

Cinematography & concept – Peter Beamish


“Why is it so hard to break up with somebody
– especially for the person who is being left?”

A: Well most relationships – when they end – the one who is leaving the one who is being left, is usually doing quite a bit of justifying why the one who is leaving, is leaving. So the one who is left is being explained to that they are being left because they are inappropriate in this way and inappropriate in this way. And…

you just can’t listen to a dialogue
that speaks contrary to what your Inner Being knows to be true
and feel good at the same time.

Now, if two people are having a relationship and they are both forward-looking, and they are going to the future rather than pushing from the past, it’s conceivable that relationships could evolve and change without anybody getting their feelings hurt.

But most people don’t make a change without pushing against what-is. Isn’t that interesting?

That would be like driving down the freeway and saying, “I’m going here because I can’t stand here.” Well, that isn’t true. In other words, when you’re driving usually you’re going someplace. You’re not usually fleeing from something ”” unless it’s the hurricane in Florida. Usually, you’re ”” you’re going to where you’re going. And so if you could adopt that with relationships, then things could feel better.

We would like to say to all of you, that we would like you to stop feeling uncomfortable about evolving in your relationships. We would also like you to leave behind the feeling that you have to justify why you’re going. And that comes in large part because there are so many people who are aware of you in your relationship, who are not in the relationship with you, who have opinions about you in the relationship. Family and friends are often aware of you in your relationships and they have developed this picture of you in your relationship ”” which you try to live up to, even though it’s a different picture from a lot of different places.

And so when you decide that you would feel better someplace else ”” usually you get in this very defensive, justifying mode where you have to activate all of the reasons why you don’t want to be here, in order ”” you think ”” to justify going over there.

But all that does is activate all that cross-current in you.

You want something different than you have but you activate what you have, which just splits your energy and makes you less effective and then those who watch you can see that your life seems to be disintegrating. And then they will announce to you, “I don’t think you’re making a good choice because you don’t seem as happy as I’ve seen you be before. And what you want to say to them is, “I’m not happy because I’m trying to please all of you and it’s not possible. If I could just do what I feel is best for me to do, without having to justify why I’m doing it, my energy would be clearer and I would feel a lot better and my future relationship would come faster and I would continue to thrive.

Q: Why does it have the ability to throw your energy off so much? And to, maybe even make you lose faith?

A: When someone adores you, in their appreciation of you, they’re in alignment with Source Energy and they’re flooding it all over you and since it’s activated in them they are activating it in you ”” so you’ve got this really good thing going. But then, as you become dependant upon their appreciation of you in order to feel that way, when they withdraw their appreciation of you and you haven’t learned to connect to that Source Energy yourself, then you feel like a puppet that someone has let go of the strings.

And so, if you’re a confident person ”” meaning ”” if you’ve shown yourself that you’re free no matter what anybody else thinks and that you can feel good no matter what else is happening around you ”” if you’ve been practising that unconditional love that says “I’m going to feel good because I want to feel good and I’m going to scramble-around and find something by darn that’s going to make me feel good even in a field of things that don’t feel so good I’m going to find something that makes me feel good, because…

my connection to Source matters more to me than all other things put together

… then nothing that anyone else could ever do would set you off your game.

But most people don’t learn that. You’re born into families where your parents teach you right away, “Our happiness matters more than yours.” They teach you right away, “Don’t pay any attention to your guidance. You’re small. You’re stupid. And you don’t know what you’re doing. And we’ve been around a long time and we’ve had all of the hard knocks and we know where all of the bumps in the road are. And we’ll guide you. So disregard what you feel, and do what we say.” And they say, “No one said it was going to be fair.” (Abraham did.) And they say, “No one said it was supposed to be fun.” (Well Abraham did.) And they say, “And no one says that life is just.” (And we say, Abraham says that life is just.) But your parents are interested in converting you or getting you to conform to something that they think will feel best to them. And then they hand you off to the school ”” they hand you off to the church ”” to bodies of people who consistently convince you that you need to do what will make them feel better about you. It’s no wonder you lose your own guidance.

And so, since you’ve been looking toward what others think ”” you’ve been trained to do that for a very long time and you just transfer that mantle to your newest love. You say, “I care so much about how you feel about me, that I will disregard how I feel.” And then that one, being the fickle one that that one always is”¦ lets you down”¦ every single time.

We do not know of anyone who has the ability to hold you consistently as their object of attention ”” that could come close to the connection that you have with Source Energy.

They’re going to let you down every single time you see. That’s why, in the therapist’s office there’s all this talk about how my mother did this. Or how my daughter did this. Or how my father did this. Everybody’s blaming everybody else for their own security.

And we’ve just got to say that you’re insecure because you didn’t decide to be secure! You’re not strong because you decided somebody else was strong, which made you weak. You don’t feel good because you didn’t insist on feeling good. And then you didn’t practice it. And then you say, “You hurt my feelings.” And we’d get in a place where our feelings would be unhurtable. We’d get in a place where we were so capable of connecting to Source Energy that it wouldn’t matter what anybody else was doing. And so if somebody’s not connected to Source Energy and so they’re not holding me as their object of attention ”” which used to feel good and now it doesn’t feel so good ”” we wouldn’t lose our grip. We wouldn’t lose our place because we’re connected to Source Energy. And then we’d be like the strong one on the trail that could give them a hand up if they needed it.

Q: So how would you do that then? ‘Cause it seems that some people are better at some stressful events. Other people are better at other stressful events in their lives.

A: If you have not shown yourself that you can line-up with what feels good under any condition, then we know, when something devastating like that happens, it’s unlikely now in the midst of this to be able to use this as the opportunity to line-up. Sometimes people say, “Abraham, I’ve jumped out of an airplane. I’m at 40,000 feet. I have no parachute. What should I do?” And we say, “Hang on. It will be over soon.” Because there’s enough momentum that sometimes you have to just sort-of ride it out. But the resources of who you are are so powerful that we know that eventually something will happen that will allow you to reconnect.

So what we always tell people when they are new to this work is, “Don’t take the issue that is the most difficult and start with that. Start with easier things. Show yourself ”” on subjects that you don’t feel so lost in ”” that you have the ability to feel better. So now what we’re saying to you is,

“Don’t try to jump all the way from despair up into the relief of appreciation.”

That’s too big of a jump on this issue. Just do your best to find something that feels a little better. And so, what might feel better to you, might be anger. You might say, “Hey I put a lot into this relationship and I did my best. And I was honest every step along the way. And I don’t deserve this.” And even though it doesn’t make the person come back, you do feel better.

That’s the answer to your question. You’ve got to find a thought, which causes a vibration within you that gives you a feeling of relief ”” which is the releasing of resistance. But most importantly you’ve got to acknowledge, “I found this thought deliberately and I do feel better in finding it. And I don’t plan on staying here in my feeling of revenge or hatred or anger but I’ve got to tell you, it sure feels better than abandonment. It sure feels better than unworthiness. It sure feels better than that powerless feeling that I can’t guide my own life. And that something that I really, really want, I have no control about. It sure does feel better.” That’s what somebody leaving you in a relationship ”” that the greatest damage that it does. It says to you, “You want this thing that you can’t have. You want something that you can’t control.” And is there anything that makes you feel more powerless than to want something that another person has a say in and they’re not in agreement with you?

And so, what we want you to begin to understand is, they might have a say in whether they stay with you or not, but they don’t have a say in how you feel about it because you have the ability to work it around in a way that makes you feel better. And when you do, what begins to happen is,

you radiate this sense of who you are,
which then attracts somebody who appreciates this sense of who you are.

So you just beat the drum of it. “I feel despair. I shouldn’t have been left behind. This was wrong. I don’t know what to do. How will I ever find another that feels as good as this felt? I thought this was the one that was going to be the one and I put so much of myself into it, and now I don’t know what to do.” There is true despair in that and understandable. And then you say, “Wait a minute! I deserve better than this. This should not have happened to me. I deserve a different kind of relationship than this. Maybe there’s something a whole lot better than this coming to me. Certainly the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with wouldn’t discard all of this so easily. I must have been barking up the wrong tree and just didn’t know it. Maybe I’m pretty glad that this has happened when it happened. I’m glad that I didn’t get more invested in this. I could have invested a lifetime in this before I found out this. And at least now it’s early and i”¦” You see what we’re getting at? You just take every jab that you can and you reach as far as you can find for one simple thing. Not to put the person down. And not to get the world to agree with you, but to try to find something that gives you some sensation of relief. And before you know it, you can jump from despair into anger. And before you know it you can jump from anger into hopefulness. And the minute you make that jump, you’ve taken a big enough leap in your vibrational journey that all kinds of things start shifting around. Very often, that much shift causes a re-joining of the relationship that you thought was lost.

It’s amazing how many relationships can be repaired from a place of
you coming back into alignment with you,
because it was your disallignment with you,
your misalignment with you
that caused it to fall apart to begin with.

What happens with most people in relationships is that two people stand there ”” both wanting to feel good ”” both holding the other one responsible for the way they feel.

And we say, “That is so dumb.” Because, they can’t vibrate for you and it’s giving them all of your power. And so this one blames that one. This one blames that one. And nobody’s happy.

Where, if one of you would say, “I’m no longer going to hold you responsible for the way I feel. I’m holding myself responsible for the way I feel.” Wouldn’t you like to hear that from everybody that’s up close to you? Wouldn’t that just be like fresh air? Well don’t wait around ”” they’re not going to do it to you. But you could give it to them. And you could get the same fresh air by saying to them,

“I want you to be happy
but I’m not going to let your unhappiness be the basis of my unhappiness
because I want too much to be happy.

Yes.

Q: Thank you.

A: Yes indeed.

”” Abraham

Tarrytown, NY October 9th, 2004